Attempting To Live Without Medication
Last year after I realized I had ADHD I was saved from myself by Medication. I do not deny it for a second. It helps me in so many ways to handle the world around me. To be able to sit at my desk for longer than 10 minutes without the urge to get up and walk around is in itself a miracle.
But I’ve noticed that as I’ve been on it longer I’ve also started to develop ticks. Nothing noticeable like my head rolling or my arm moving incontrollably but little things. I’ve also noticed that as I have lost weight, almost 50 pounds since last year I need less of the medicine. In fact the prescribed dose has almost a negative effect and the ticks become extremely pronounced.
Now I’m trying to live without the medicine and that’s a change. One of the changes is that I smoke less without the medicine. I sleep more too. That’s a good thing. I’m trying to create structure to exist without it. Meaning find ways to manage my time and tasks so that I’m free of the need.
One of the ways I’m doing that is by setting up a schedule that sends me reminders via google calendar
to my phone. Creating the routine that will enable me to fulfill what I’ve got going on. Talking to my wife about it so she’s aware of my time and making sure I’m aware of her time.
One thing I’m worried about is my sensitivity to the noise around me. As the medication leaves my system will I be able to handle it as well? What about my drinking? Will I start to drink more? Will I start to substitute dealing with a problem by eating more? Will I be prone to my rage more? Things that the medication clearly helped me with but now could come up again.
If there are those out there that have dealt with this problem in the past, please chime in.
The Power of Words
When I was 12 my family moved from a small semi-rural town to an inner urban area of a bustling metropolis. I was never one to be shy before this, but I had lived my whole life in one town and knew everyone and was one of the big kids on the block.
In this urban environment I was displaced and overwhelmed. The stimulus of the city and the addition of hormones to my life kept me from doing very well at most things I had done well at before. Seeing the negative impact my mother moved us again to a little less urban area of the city.
Depsite having less urban stimuli, my grades and drive had not returned. I turned into a fairly lackluster, get by on talent, kind of student. Never trying hard enough until the last minute. There hadn’t been a challenge in the new school systems. No contest to push me.
Then one day my seventh grade math teacher, Mrs Leonard, had me move to the desk closest to her. Thinking it might help inspire me to be a better student, I thought. After a few weeks of sitting closer to her, while everyone was working on assignments, she looks at me while I’m doodling on the assignment for the day. She knew I was waiting until we had 10 minutes left and then I would rush through it to get it completed. She then says in her very matter of fact tone, “Bobby, you are one of the smartest kids I teach. You could be an engineer or anything you want.” I looked at her and didn’t know what quite to say. I went back to my doodling and then decided to just finish the homework early.
Month later towards the end of the school year I received a notice that I would be participating in an early placement math test for Algebra the coming year. I knew that this test was coming up but only the honor roll students were going to be taking it. Perplexed I asked my guidance counselor about it to find out that you could also take it if nominated by a teacher. Mrs. Leonard had nominated me to the test.
I took the test and placed in the top 20% meaning that I would be in the algebra class with the brightest students in my grade. All of them were straight A dedicated students while I was a little less driven. Pulling my grades together as I needed them. I was stunned.
It is hard to say the real impact of this butterfly event on my life, other than that I have never forgotten them. They are a voice of confidence when I doubt my own ability. While I have never seen Mrs Leonard since leaving Woodward Park Middle School 25 years ago, her words carry on in my life to this day.
As many people with ADD deal with different issues of self doubt, inattentiveness, and procrastination as children and adults, the words of confidence from one person can carry you a lifetime. As important as medication, organization, and coping methods are to manage ADD the words of confidence and faith are essential to our success and ability to overcome.
You never know if your words will be the butterfly flapping it’s wings in some far off place for someone around you and how it will change their lives.
The Disorganized Mind - Part 2
I have to say one thing about this book, it’s not intended to be a fast read. It’s a read that if done right will have you with your notebook or laptop or mobile device sitting there taking notes. Reflecting on the things that are asked.
The point up to now in the book has been - think about your base. Where are you at and where do you want to be. It is ideal for people who can read, internalize, and implement. I have re-read chapter 3 at least 4 times now. Each time I do I come away with more and more. It’s the questions that are asking you the hard questions. Especially if you have ADD/ADHD.
The first time through I read it and started to think about them. The next time through I read them and typed them into my electronic journal. The third time through I put them into my notebook. The last time through I reviewed my notebook and compared to my e-journal and now am re-answering them. They say a “Genius” has to see something 5 times before he internalizes something so maybe there’s at least 4 or 5 more times I’ll need to review them.
Check back in a day or so and I’ll have the answers here - (no questions though - that would be giving it away).
The thing that I would point out here to everyone who is thinking about this book or picked it up and put it down because the truth of the answers were too hard to face up to, this is what life is about. ADDers or non-ADD alike have to come to this base. It may seem that some people might have their “act together” but what we see and what we don’t see are miles apart. Just because you feel you need to initiate change in your life is not a solitary experience. EVERYONE regardless of ADD, nearsightedness, balding, lactose intolerant, or anything other physical difference, goes ponders this and wonders how to implement this. How many people do you know have read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People but don’t follow the guidlines? For the millions of people that have bought that book we’d be a completely different world if they were all living this way.
I tried many times to adopt Covey’s cycle into my life, but as an adult with undiagnosed ADD I was constantly shooting myself in the foot. It’s nearly impossible to adopt it for those of us who on a whim change our minds, impulsively commit to events, or will inadvertently take on too much so we don’t have to face the hard reality of planning and preparation. Especially when doing it by the seat of our pants in crunch time is so much more stimulating.
Living to our values, our core principles is the heart of living a balanced life. So when your co-workers ask you to “help” them do something that you would like to do so you can be seen as the go-to person at work(gratification boost to brain) your core values will kick in and help to determine what is the right choice based on your principles. And that is much more fulfilling than being stuck at work for 2 more hours because you think that at the end of the day it will matter more that you did this when you didn’t really need to.
The Disorganized Mind is about creating the process and structure in our lives to be in a position to make those decisions and understand the repercussions. I would say this again, change is hard. Really hard if you don’t want to do it. BUT with the right amount of structure and learned self control, the ADDer can literally do anything.