Impulse Control and Other Traits I Got From My Dad
Do you have good impulse control? Do you see something that interests you, zero in on it like a laser beam, and then keep on it until it’s done? Like new appliances, or maybe furnace appliances? Does this drive your spouse crazy?
The answer to those questions for myself are No, Yes, Yes, and Yes.
That sequence of responses may be wrong for others in your life, but for those taking the test there is no wrong answer.
I wish I did, but I don’t. It seems like when I get into a pattern I can’t get myself out until I come headlong into reality. Like a visit with my dad and listening to him piddle away every dime he ever made for the last 50 years of his life on the next new thing. It’s that stark look into a possible future self that brings home all that awaits you as you see yourself and all of the traits you inherited from him.
That sounds terrible. For most of my life I thought that my impulsiveness was mine alone. My Dad wasn’t really around and it was probably for the better really. I knew about his infamous brainstorms only after I was an adult. He’d have a far fetched idea and without considering his family, he’d be off. Well at least when he was younger. After he married my step mother OkJun he toned it down quite a bit because she would kick his arse all over town.
But it still exists. He goes in cycles like all people do. The funny thing is I see in him what I see in myself or vice versa as it is. There are good traits. Persistence, optimism, hope, faith, trust, and imagination. But the impulse control - man it blows. The difference now is that I know. I know what A.D.D. is. I know what I can do about it. I am doing it. I’m still working on impulse control.
Unfortunately my Dad doesn’t and he probably won’t. While I don’t listen as well as others, the last people he will listen to are his children. While his perception is that others may do things out of friendship and the like, his children on some level are obligated. Which we are, on some level. It’s too bad he doesn’t see that if he treated us as well as he treated his friends, we could be his friends too, instead of his obligated children he’s ignored for the better part of 40 years until he’s exhausted every avenue and has to ask for help.
Self Perception
In the last couple of weeks I have been making an attempt to branch out my understanding of ADD by reading some books by other authors. I picked up one in particular that was on Adult ADD. It is written by a psychologist that specializes in ADD and helping people to cope with their self perception. I have also picked up a work book looking to it to maybe create some more regular life processes.
As I started to read them I found them both to be disappointing. My initial look at them in the bookstore left me to hope I would find value in them. I can see where they would have value for many people who struggle with issues of confidence or understanding depending on their upbringing and their own experiences. I have not found them to as yet provide me with any more clarity regarding ADD than I have gained by the previous two books I read.
In my view of ADD, I do not see it as a life threatening disease. I see it as someone might view getting prescribed glasses for the first time. They knew they weren’t seeing things as clearly as others and weren’t sure why. Then they found a pair of glasses from a friend and realized that they were seeing things with some added clarity but decided to get checked out for themselves. After going to the eye doctor and getting a prescription they found that it was clearer and now they have a way of seeing clearer.
Like ADD, getting eye glasses takes some time to adjust. You have to remember to take them with you. You have to take care of them or they get broken and you have to get a new pair. Even when you do take them with you, putting them on is just as important or they don’t do any good.
Discovering ADD is exactly the same. You have a diagnosis and possibly a prescription. You take the medicine and it helps you to balance out yourself in many ways. Helps you to see the world in a clearer light without ten thousand thoughts racing through your head. Or at least without acting on them all at once. Developing your own processes and routines to help manage information, ideas, responsibilities, etc so that you function at a level that will allow you to leverage your abilities where before they might not have been.
Most people, “normal” or not, have had their fair share of hard knocks. ADD is not always to blame. If it is I look at it like failing to wear glasses when driving and getting a ticket because you couldn’t make out the signs. Adults who have inflicted pain or suffering on children do so because of who they are, not because of who you are. Either they have their own issues they are taking out on the children or they fail to consider the possibility that a particular child might need something different from other children. That’s not the child’s fault.
I am not the reason my parents made bad choices. They made those by themselves. I am the reason I make bad choices. As an adult my boss does not have the responsibility to take into consideration my deficiencies, only that a job needs done. If I am unable to complete the tasks he’s given me I need to communicate that to him or find another job.
When I found out I had ADD and what it is exactly it did not change who I was looking at in the mirror. It just brought him into focus so I could see him clearer. So instead of thinking I had a unibrow I see I had ink on my face.
Top 5 ADD Moments Today
Some people might mark their day by the one ADD moment of the day. I like to try the top 5. Yes I am over ambitious but when you have so many why not pick the 5 that stand out.
1. On way home and was supposed to get wife diet coke. Very important task. Someone calls - what was I supposed to do? - Sure I can meet you and talk about that. 40 minutes later wife calls - Where are you and where’s my diet coke.
2. Made a list of things I was going to do today. Can’t remember where I put it. That will teach me to write it down instead of using my rtm.
3. Turned into Grinch because of kids chaos. - Oversensitivity to the sound and stimulus - Turned me from a normal fun father/husband to the grinch.
4. Sent email to team for work and forgot the project leader on the email.
5. Trying to work on website and saw a link - 2 hours later I have no idea what I’ve done.