Itch
Do you know what “The Itch” is? I didn’t have a word for it but I recently learned that this is somewhat common with people with AD/HD. In Dr. Halloway’s book Delivered From Distraction he has an entire chapter on the itch. After reading it I had one of those moments where you want to cry because you realize you are not going crazy.
For those that haven’t read it or or don’t know what I’m talking about let me enlighten you. I’ll paraphrase Dr. Halloway’s explanation with my own insights.
The itch is the need for stimulus to release those ever so important chemicals that some people with AD/HD want. The reason it’s called the itch is because it’s there gnawing on your brain to do something that you know isn’t necessarily good, potentially dangerous, or by your own standards morally wrong. Dr. Halloway explained it as when you’re sitting listening to someone talking and in your head you want to throw your drink in their face. Or maybe you are talking to a member of the opposite sex and you feel the urge to flirt. Some people feel the urge to do something dangerous or extreme sport. ”The Itch” can take a lot of different forms. The point is it exists.
I have this ”itch” sometimes. Not all the time, and not necessarily always very strong, but I can feel it. I didn’t know what it was until just the other day. I didn’t know that it was this thing that I had trained my brain to do to get the chemicals it wants to feel balanced. I didn’t know other people felt it. To some people it might be termed temptation. It’s the temptation of doing something. When I was younger it was the “Devil” trying to influence me. It was the allure of evil. Of doing something wrong. I always wondered why some of my friends from our church never really got into trouble or did anything wrong. There were days when I would do everything I could do to fight this ”itch” but it seemed to drive me crazy. I can’t say how many hours I spent in my Bishop’s office talking about the things I’d done wrong.
I know what this is now. I know that when I’m faced with a choice what it is. I know that it’s the need to feel some level of gratification. I know that it can be a force to itself without management and care. It has cost me much.
The way that I typically have experienced the itch but not always or ever responded is:
There are more but these are the key ones. These are the one’s I see in my head playing out. They become almost a compulsion sometimes. As the years have gone by and with a lot of patience from my wife I’ve learned to temper most of these really well.
As I learn more about how my brain works biologically I am realizing how to redirect that energy into something that will be just as gratifying. These are some of those:
“The Itch” will be referred to many times as I learn more and record these events of my life so here you have what that all means.