Diagnosis Week 4
Today starts the 4th week of being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. I’ve devoured all the information I can. I have read two of Dr. Halloway’s books and all of the posts and articles I can pertaining to adult AD/HD.
The good news is that I am learning, but even better is that many of the coping methods for surviving at work, finding work, excelling at work are processes and tactics I’ve developed over the years.
With the addition of medication it has enabled me to excel in ways I didn’t think possible. I’m moving faster, more efficiently, clearer, and best of all smarter. It has put me on a ground that I was stumbling as I moved but now am running. I’m so excited for the coming year. It’s going to be a busy year as I’ve just taken on one of, if not the largest project in my group that will last the entire year with a combined team of over 20 people. I’m actually working on a development plan and going to begin working with a mentor to help me refine the skills I’ve always been a little short on. Namely diplomacy.
The bad news is that as my wife and I are talking about it I’ve discovered how completely impossible I’ve been to live with. How I’ve neglected my kids, or been absent in my own world except when dragged kicking and screaming into the family’s existence. How irritable I’ve been towards my family. How selfish and distant I’ve been. It’s affected our finances, not to destruction but I see where I could have been. The only thing to do is to look forward and get moving. I see how I’ve been missing out on things and how it’s affected my children.
In the weeks since starting on the medication I’ve seen them, and they see me. The road to repairing the distance will take time. Especially building trust with my wife, but at least we understand why. My friends and extended family have been great, for those that I’ve told. Some of them are already seeing a difference.
Today was an interesting day. I woke up at my usual time and started my day out in a typical way. Today I resolved to forgo medication to see how I handled the day and what it brought. Being a Saturday there was low risk of screwing things up. That is until my wife walks in and confides that I’ve been an irritable grump the whole morning and that this is what I’ve been like for the last 8 years. I knew I was grumpy but didn’t know I had been that irritable. I promptly went downstairs and took a half of the dosage the doctor prescribed. I hate to say it but within an hour I felt a differnce as well. My whole demeanor changed.
If this is what I’m going to be like then I need to adjust and retry later. After I get some exercise built back into the routine. So much for controlling without medication.